Reflections on failure

The most accurate title for this post would probably be: an-excuse-to-explain-why-I'm-failing-my-digital-civilizations-class-which-I-found-while-studying-behavior-modifications-theories-and-how-I-can-still-succeed-in-life. But let's get real, who is going to be interested in such a wordy blog post heading. Especially when we lose concentration after the first two sentences of a professor speaking. And with 50 other students busily posting relevant, world changing, socially proofed posts, what are the chances of this being read in the first place?

With such a fatalistic view on the situation, I suppose I shouldn't really feel bad for rambling, if no one is going to read it, it can be as long and run-on, with improperly placed commas, as I want it. So here are a few of my mental vomits.

Reinforcement Contingencies: theories to explain the relationship between behavior and consequences. aka smart people's observations on why we act the way we act and what they can do to make us act differently.
      These consist of techniques such as positive reinforcement, punishment, escape, avoidance, and extinction (the last is the most foreboding sounding if you ask me). When we are involved in an organization they generally use these various techniques, most are somewhat self explanatory- if you reward a behavior the possibility for it to happen in the future increases, if you punish it, it decreases. But what if you ignore it? That's what that final contingency states- if you ignore a behavior it will eventually become extinct.


Historical Connection (if personal history counts)


Sometimes I feel like my efforts for participation in the digital world have come to extinction. I posted the first couple weeks, but because I didn't have certain people as friends-- aka the TA, I didn't get any credit for it.

Okay, my fault. I added the TA.

Then my blog posts were severely lacking, they didn't have social proof, little combination of historical and digital connections. Alright, I can work on that.

We had presentations, I put my heart and soul into those presentations. I worked on formulating ideas that seemed like they had been trending and that had a deep personal connection. My group presented on the first day and among the PowerPoint slides of death we brought a breath of fresh air with our carefully constructed attempt to weave in history, media, current social topics, as well as address the issue of having ideas for the final project. We brought in conversation, debate, shared Google docs. My effort for the presentation was unnoticed, but a spark was lit.

I post, but with little heart. My ideas are falling on deaf, attention deficit ears. So I concoct another idea for the next presentation-- use a concept proposed by a professor that I actually happen to really love (gamification), find a sweet spot among the group (government) and then revolutionize the presentation by joining the presentation groups, combining just the right amount of lecture time with participation time.

And still my grade is a 46%. I understand. The grade doesn't reflect my self worth, it reflects the amount of blog posts I have published and shared and the comments that are seen and are "relevant". I deserve the 46%.

If it sounds like I am tooting my own horn, it's because I am. I do enjoy the class, I have been introduced into a whole new world of technology and the concept of connections between history and today's current topics is an intriguing avenue that I hadn't thought of previously. I use prezi's in all my classes now, I actually get on Google+, and I feel like I know what I'm talking about when random social issues and technological conversation arises.

However, I do have to echo the sentiments of a few fellow classmates that most of the time I don't really understand what's going on. What is expected of me? Is creativity really encouraged? At times it feels more like any attempts at blog posts end in contrived and terribly vague connections that I'm not passionate about or that someone else has already posted-- resulting in another draft that will never be seen by anyone else. And yet part of me is okay with that.

Reflections continued on numbers and lists

• 15-  Davids in my life
• 3- David's I have dated
• 0- David's I had a successful relationship with
• 17.5-  credits I am registered for
• 14- credits I anticipated on taking this semester
• 6- blog posts that have actually been published
• 12-  drafts that are waiting for completion
• 0- blog posts that have had comments from professors
• 2- topics that have really caught my eye in class discussion (education reform, political involvement)
• 5- presentations that I have zoned out in (usually not the entire time)
• 63- days to my wedding
• 16- colored pencils always on hand
• 6.5- average hours of sleep I received per night this week
• 3.3- miles I ran outside yesterday
• 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000- my potential